For ages people have been trying to pick up how to write great essays, be it for their websites, final year thesis or a bestseller book. Here, I would share with you the legendary way masters of the art write with almost no research and still managing to get the results!It all boils down to the B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T principle. This method had given birth to numerous masters of writing and you will do well to learn this!
For the B principle, it stands for Broad. Your essay should never ever contain details. It is to be as broad as possible. Since we do not want to spend hours on research, we do not want the reader or the grader to know of this. Thus, always frame your arguments and points as broad as possible. This will induce your reader to think that it is due to his/her own ignorance that they cannot understand what you are talking about. The highest level of this is to create a thinking on your readers that you perfectly understand your topic and your research is done to the utmost level and it is them who are the problem. Make them feel as bad about themselves as possible, since this will boost your credibility to the max. This Broad principle is sometimes also known as the Bluff principle but I digress.
For the U principle, it stands for Under. You must always understate, underpromise and underdeliver at every point of the essay. This is where students fails. Once you let slip that you actually know something about the topic, the reader will tend to expect more of such knowledge as they read on, but will not be able to find more since you did not do any type of research in the first place. This hurts your credibility. By adjusting the tone of your essay, you will create no such illusion for them. Since they don't expect any thing overwhelming, then you can maintain this attitude to your advantage when you get the the last part of this strategy.
For the two L principle, it stands for Lengthen and Litter. The Lengthen principle means that you should lengthen any type of desciption to the most number of words as possible. For example, "Fish and Chips" can be lengthen to "aquatic animal which is carefully prepared, exquistely cooked to the sublime level of tastiness coupled with air-flown potatoes from Australia, delightfully sliced into small strips for easy eating and digestion and also includes the premier tomato sauce made from the best of all tomatoes that ever existed on Earth". As for the Litter principle, you must always litter your essay with as much jargons and technical terms so as to support your arguments and make yourself sound smart. Also consider littering subtle hints that you deserve very high marks or very high reviews all over your essay.
For the S principle, it stands for Spam. You must always remember to spam your points all over the essay, under the guise of re-iteration. This give your reader the sense that you have a very strong point to make and that you have research a lot to be able to support your arguments to such a degree. As we know, Pluto is no longer classified as a planet, which means that facts are changed every so often. The last thing you want is that you will be caught with you pants down, when the facts have changed since the time you write your essay, which results to you being penalised. Therefore, you should spam your vague points all over, both making up the words and reducing the need to actually go find facts, which may change and leaves you at a place you don't want to be in.
For the H principle, it stands for nothing. Since I go by the name Mr H, this point is simply here to ensure that no copyright and plagurism exists. Even if they do, I don't care, as long as I will receive an obscene amount of money from the offender. You will be wise to follow my footsteps, after all why reject free money? Writing a thesis or an article requires effort so we want to be compensated for that. Therefore, the moral of the story is to make your essay to be able to earn you money legally, even if you manage to screw up your grades. (Which you wouldn't be as long as you follow the B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T principle to the core)
For the I principle, it stands for Illiterate. When writing, you should always pretend that your readers are illiterate people. Pretending that things is ok is a very positive mindset, since it eases your heart, enable you to relax and enjoy life. Of course, there is the conflicting idea that since you pretend that they are illiterate, then why write at all? This is a philosophical question that is better left to others to discuss since I will just pretend that this idea does not exist.
For the T princple, it stands for Treat. Of all the principles, this is of the utmost importance! If you learn nothing from me, you must definitely remember this point! This principle means that you must always treat your grader, assessor, readers well. Unfortunately, this may require some research. An obscene amount of money or cheque stapled to your manuscript usually work very well but there are cases where it may fail. Your assessor will not want to be caught for accepting the money so you may have to think up new strategies. You can instead staple several two way tickets to a Bali holiday with all expenses paid for. You can also staple an envelope with a credit card with no name and specified amounts inside. What is appropiate here depends on the person you are trying to butter up with. Sorry, I mean the person you want to make better connections with. If your research on the person reveals that he is a lecher, you may want to attach a free air ticket to Amsterdam with special discounts to the red light districts. This last principle is one that you will actually have to use your brain unlike the rest of the principles. However, you have my word that if you do it well, you will enjoy the rewards!
Last but not least, you must always end with a one-liner that may or may not make sense in regards to the essay. This proves to the reader that you are sophisticated enough to end the essay with just one line!
You shall visit http://enxieferite.net84.net more often, in fact daily. by Tales Zephyrus Lucrex
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